A child's mindless rattle

A tooth-less rattle

Friday, July 29, 2005
4:55 PM

Need for attention

In the kiddish voice...
‘你看！你看！你不爱我了！自己走掉，不等我了！你看！’

I can't believe I actually whined at her while stamping my feet that night. I guess only someone like her will tolerate this from someone like me. =) At this very moment, I'm overwhelmed with the lovey dovey kind of feeling. Love, as over-rated as some may say... It really does wonders to people.

Close friends started to notice the difference in my life. It's almost like I've found myself back. (Which is true.) No more urges to drink or to go out late to zap out every bit of my energy just to sleep at night. The mere thought of her, makes me sleep with a smile on my face. Bottom line? I'm happy.

No doubt, occassionally I'll get moody (or grouchy) without her. The lack of time spent together, phonecalls and msgs.. It gets to me. There are days I can just sit in the dark, look at the stars, think of her and feel tears coming.. the feeling is just so.. overwhelming. It's not the fear of loneliness, or emptiness.. The feeling's not close to that. It's more of the longing, the want, of being able to feel the person, smell the person... and to hold on to her. Yes yes, I'm too clingy, too needy, too dependent, too.. sticky. but isn't that what love is suppose to be? That's why there's this phase that goes.. 'As long as you're here, everything's perfect'.

Everyday I'm learning something new with her. I like this process. It can be.. learning something new about myself, or her, or something about anything at all. The only thing lacking in my life now, is the spiritual source.

Looking back at what I was 2 months ago, it really feels like a dark period. For everything that went wrong, I'm glad I managed to do them right eventually. Wanted to learn what loving someone is all about.. and here I am, I'm learning it everyday with the perfect girlfriend. I wanted to feel the every distinct emotions that I'm capable of feeling. Again, I get to do it now. The sweetness of love, the security, the joy of giving and receiving, the pain of losing, the fears that crawl secretly into the mind at night..

Everything that I feel, I'm going to embrace them. It's what makes me feel alive.

ps: My fav feeling so far, is the fuzzy feeling I get when I hear her say 'i love you'

The End!